Coffee Addiction – NZ

Seven weeks ago I was cycling in the pouring rain with snow in my face in the middle of London and now I am here. This is my extended family. It’s pie judgement day. Today is home brew day. Are we gonna go surfing?

Today we are going to be conducting a real life experiment to establish and demonstrate just how shit, the English are in terms of coffee knowledge and coffee production when compared to an average Kiwi. Now Chris is a one hundred percent, genuine English person. Nick’s been working here at The Grove, how long for Nick?
So I want you to make a Cappuccino, a Flat White, a Long Black and an Espresso.


Just make sure it’s not actually full like that, push up… put in that here… pull it nice and firmly, pour it like that…. not so bad here, you don’t want to waste any milk. See that little squirting machine. The colour you are looking for is chocolate goodness. Surf is important, just need to little surf like that. Nice and fast, you’ve got a nice amount on top of the rim there. For a flat white you bring it forward and then do some nice rounds of swirls, like that. We make this nice and hot, with some nice little pots and things for show and I would say creamer and it’s a good idea as long as you want to get that sort of result.

Coffee Facts – last year Kiwis drank staggering 7.3 billion cups of coffee. That’s more than twenty two and a half thousand cups for every man, woman and child. I started as a whiter, that’s sort of something a you don’t know straight away you have to sort of work towards being a Barista. There really isn’t enough professional qualification but if people don’t like your coffee they are not going to come back. My favourite muffins would have to be the ones they make here. They are bloody delicious, we very much of them.
Just here?
Flat white is differentiates between a Cappuccino which has got all the froth on top and and a Flat White is developed to be supposedly flat on the top, so that you don’t lose your lipstick and you don’t get little cream around your lips so that’s what’s a Flat White, so it’s actually supposed to be dead flat.

Okay Chris, so you watched Nick, are you ready?
Let’s go.
Oh… where are the cups?
Oh, nice finishing touch.
The Kiwi coffee’s here in a row and the rustic English interpretation indeed. Kiwis genuinely do give more of a shit about coffee than English people.

If you stitch together all the cheese muffins consumed so far this year in Wellington you could make a muffin rope that would stretch to the moon and back three times.

What do you think of UK coffee?
I don’t know, it’s pretty weak. I don’t know… I don’t know if that is because you drink tea.
Do you like muffins?
Muffins… no.
No? No muffins?
Muffins… I don’t … yeah.
Why not?
I don’t know.
I like all the stuff they fill inside the muffin like cream cheese and all the blueberries. They are good but they are basically surrounded by doughy, bready stuff which I am not interested in.
Coffee has really been a part of our culture for probably last ten years.
Before that we were tea drinkers.

Yeah, or yeah, Americanised.. drinking filtered coffee. Good coffee has come in the last ten years.
Well, Kiwis are just very patient about much things, we gotta do something we’d like to do it well. And we do, we’re good at the shit, you know. We… we learn things really well.
Look at that, look at the pots
Hey, are we gonna go surfing?
Because you are a pussy.
Such a pussy.